your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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