This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
