THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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