I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
