She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i came on her dog
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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