new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
