I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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