Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Dick very happy bro
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
