who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Randomize
