i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
