It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
