I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
