do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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