I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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