It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
