Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
