she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize