You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
