I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Randomize
