He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
