How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Randomize
