My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
