Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
