They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
