Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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