i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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