what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
