She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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