dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
