he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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