May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
