i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
