the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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