This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
