what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize