I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
