i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
