ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
