oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
