We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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