There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
