i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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