Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
