Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
