So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize