Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
