Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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