Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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