I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
