my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
