Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
