I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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