That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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