"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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