hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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