i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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