Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
