I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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