I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
