Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
