Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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