Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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