I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
