I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
