When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
being pregnant is like rehab
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
