i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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