Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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