After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Someone came in the potted fern
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
