I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
