Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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