i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
