Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
