Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
