One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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