Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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