Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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