Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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