dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
