he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
