Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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