You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
