Your mouth is God's brothel.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
