put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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