Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize