Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
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