I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize