dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
