Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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