Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
