and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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