never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
