.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
