Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
