Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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