Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
