I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Hippo gnu deer
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize