i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
