dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
