Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
