I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
